This Song

Today, I remember you once more.

I heard your voice in my head,

Saw the smiles you gave,

And my heart withstood no longer.

It is not the regrets,

For there are none.

It is the spot I glance at,

And every single time I look,

The place lies empty.

You are no longer,

Where I want or wish you to be.

This song reminds me of you.

I cannot listen to it, without thinking of you,

Or pouring my heart out

In drips of tears.

I miss you.

I miss your whimsical smiles.

The little things you tell me about you.

The stories you share.

I miss the "let-me-downs" you reveal.

The heartaches and pains you bear.

The quiet griefs you take on.

Even the anger spats you have.

I miss dearly the mischievous and humourous side of you.

I won't give anything to have you back here;

But I just want you to know I miss you.

I would like to have you here, of course,

And yet, to have you suffer would be selfishness on my part.

Thus, I let you go again.

Don't tell me not to cry,

Because I will.

I will weep and remember,

Until the ache lies dormant.

I see you in the blue skies;

In the songs, you linger.

I hear you in my heart;

Your smiles, in my memories, deeply carved.

Rest in peace, my dear one.

"In the sweet by and by,

We shall meet on that beautiful shore."

Too Far Now

You slipped from our grasps,

In the kiss of a moment.

No farewells, no last looks;

You silently left,

And returned to the place,

You once called, Home.

Why did you not stay a little while longer?

Your heart, so fragile and cracked,

Could not, perhaps,

Withstand the agony you quietly held within.

And yet, my heart grieves,

I did not get to have you a little while longer;

That you are too far away now

For me to have that last look

I usually take, whenever I say, "Goodbye,"

Here on earth.

Perhaps Heaven deemed it fit

That your time had come;

Or perhaps, He merely thought you'd be happier back Home,
With Granddad.

I begrudge not,

The Creator, Who gave me to you,

As your granddaughter;

But I have not accepted the fact,

That you will no longer be around;

That you had to leave, alone;

That you had to bear it out,

And suffer, inside.

I know Heaven and Granddad hath awaited long for you;

I know they welcomed you this morning,

At 06:20.

You lingered long enough for us,

To save enough memories;

I ought to let go,

But it is so hard to;

I never thought I'd see you leave this soon.

Your last words were to tell me,

You had prayed for me.

You are much better off on the Other Side;

Forgive the many tears I have shed,

And will do so.

I will be strong and patient,

As you have shown me so, countless of times.

Wait for me;

And I know you and Granddad will look down on me,

With love.

I love you, Poh Poh.

Rest In Peace.


ad perpetuam memoriam of Madam Ling Nyuk Ying
AD 2011, 4th August
06:20am

Not Enough

anguish tears my soul apart;

shattered lies the shards to my heart.

always questioning,

always wondering,

which portion of me fits not the list.

blank is the canvas,

and shudders, the artist,

as the empty masterpiece is ripped,

from edge to edge.

no more answers;

no more pages to turn;

remains are the skeleton, once whole.

is there reprieve,

from the wailings of a soul?

will the shutters stay closed,

and I be seen no more?

deserted is the now;

I stretch my hand out,

but the air swirls around it instead,

and once more, I am left grasping,

pain ensuing,

knowing-

it wasn't enough.

Except For Now

Wishful thinking.

Hopes.

Waiting.

Love.

Four hours of staring at the screen.

Eyes, stark and wide opened.

No relief from the waves of pain.

Just burial and forced ignorance.

Tears and strength fight for the upper hand.

No winner as of yet.

Morning approaches;

Refusal to acknowledge the sun,

Spurs my quest of wakefulness.

Never have I fought so hard.

Never have I driven this far.

Never have I pushed for, that long.

Never have I striven on too carefully.

Except for now.

I have arrived at a spot, where the road is too narrow for a u-turn; and all I see ahead is a curved and winding lane. I will take it, wherever it goes. I will walk, when the oil runs dry. I will run, arms held high, and heart open. I won't back down, or turn back. I said "yes." And yes, it is; and yes, it will ever be.

Dum-Di-Dum-Dum

It's a bittersweet feeling;
If it could be a flavour,
I'd call it 'tangy.'
You added varying colours;
You were sugar and salt,
A mixture I could never fathom,
But loved.


Dum-di-dum-dum!
That's what we were;
That's what we were.


And so I was your daylight,
With no saving hours;
Always that shining star,
Though the night be as jet-black;
You were the pulling force,
The one, who brought it all together,
Even if you were north,
And I, south.


Dum-di-dum-dum.
And that's what we were;
That's what we were.


You can't separate,
The blend of spices,
That gives its unique, aromatic flavour;
You can't divide,
The blue from green,
In the colour, turquoise;
You can't distinguish,
The different notes,
From a musical piece being played.
And that makes us,
Us.


Dum-di-dum-dum.
That's what we were,
That is what we will ever be;
I may be east,
You may be west,
But no colliding force,
Will be as strong,
As the one that has our hearts.


And so we will be;
And so we will.

Home

Afar from distant shores,

The lights slowly fade,

And the Visitor slumps,

In a reverie of disappointment.

As the moon delicately

Takes on its soft glow,

He raises his head,

Muses and sighs.

What's in a word?

Home -

Reverently breathed,

A desperation clamped

In the hearts of many.

It's the heartbeat of man;

A pulse that lingers in his breast,

Even when death stands at the door.

What's in this word?

"Home" -

Therein is the strength for the seeker;

Hope for the weary,

And life for the soulless;

Sweet aroma,

From across horizons;

And a simple four-letter word,

Which pulsates in every being,

Regardless.

And so the Visitor lifts his head;

Tugging at him,

Are the melodic strains

Of a faint song,

That reaches him,

Like a breezy fragrance.

In it,

He hears the song,

Of a place he knows well;

'Twas the call of Home.

If I Don't See You Soon

If I don't see you soon,
Just know you are
A constant in the equation.
We may fall apart,
Abide by the great divide,
But you'll always be,
A number in the equation.

If I don't see you soon,
It's okay by me, and us;
Just know a fact rarely changes,
And we're not just another theory,
Waiting to be disproved!

If I don't see you soon,
Just remember,
Yesterday was where I believed;
Today is where I stand;
And tomorrow will see,
Me holding on, still strong;
What about you?

So if I don't see you soon enough,
It's okay;
Mother Nature continues,
Putting on a wondrous display,
Of beauty before me;
I won't crumble,
Shuffle my feet in the sand;
I'll be building real castles,
And living my reality.

Just know;
Just know -
You + Me = Us.

And I'll see you someday.
Somewhere.
Over the rainbow,
Maybe?

Goodbye Is Not Too Hard To Say

If you had, but one goodbye,

What would it be?

To whom would you bestow your cherished farewell?

~

Smile the sweetest smile ever;

Remember, it's not the end yet;

For life stops not,

At the wave of one's hand,

But sails swiftly on,

Quicker than your eye can behold.

~

Would you fall apart,

Weep tears,

Even when there are none left to spare?

~

Is your heart that fragile,

Where it can't handle,

The brutality that life can bring?

~

Smile the loveliest smile always;

Forget not,

The ones that grace you,

Used to light up someone's world.

~

If you had one last farewell,

How would it be like?

Stained with tears?

Or kissed by the prospect of happy tomorrows?

Unfinished/Untitled - 04. 14. 09

Walk past the milestones;
They show you have come thus far.
Never to forget,
Always to remember,
Those moments of hell,
And days of grace.

Wearied

And when you reach a stone wall,

With nothing there to help you get through;

Do you run, stay, or climb over?

~

Ever wondered if the ocean waves,

Just get harder to surf over,

Or it's mere Life that's getting to you?

~

The Happy People pass you by,

Seemingly oblivious to your weary pain;

If you think a little harder,

Maybe, they ignore,

Because they live with the same wounds.

~

Fly, run, escape, or flee,

The same shadow stalks you still;

Why not feel the urge to be,

Something better than yesterday,

Which you were not.

~

Relent to the voices inside of you,

Cave to the hurts you cradle within,

And the world swirls in blackness,

With no chance of even a flickering hope.

~

Why bother,

If your soul hangs by a thin thread,

To all existence here?

Why burn,

If the heart no longer lives,

For the life it was meant to have?

~

Questions are solely that;

Never fully answered,

Or pitifully comprehended,

And poorly explained.

Henceforth, to receive enlightenment,

Live the questions instead.

_______

April 5th, 2009