Surreal

I can't believe still you are gone.

Wake me up from this slumber;

And perhaps, just perhaps,

I will find 'twas a mere dream.

Yet, I awake every time,

To discover,

Your presence has fled the earth;

And I startle to life,

Only to weep my heart out,

At this strange event.

Real sleep comes, but rare;

I rove the world of words instead,

Searching for ways to write my soul,

And set free,

My bleeding heart.

I know you will tell me not cry;

I know you are happy at Home;

But I cannot dismiss,

Years of memories,

For a demise.

- requiescat in pace -

Not Enough

anguish tears my soul apart;

shattered lies the shards to my heart.

always questioning,

always wondering,

which portion of me fits not the list.

blank is the canvas,

and shudders, the artist,

as the empty masterpiece is ripped,

from edge to edge.

no more answers;

no more pages to turn;

remains are the skeleton, once whole.

is there reprieve,

from the wailings of a soul?

will the shutters stay closed,

and I be seen no more?

deserted is the now;

I stretch my hand out,

but the air swirls around it instead,

and once more, I am left grasping,

pain ensuing,

knowing-

it wasn't enough.

Except For Now

Wishful thinking.

Hopes.

Waiting.

Love.

Four hours of staring at the screen.

Eyes, stark and wide opened.

No relief from the waves of pain.

Just burial and forced ignorance.

Tears and strength fight for the upper hand.

No winner as of yet.

Morning approaches;

Refusal to acknowledge the sun,

Spurs my quest of wakefulness.

Never have I fought so hard.

Never have I driven this far.

Never have I pushed for, that long.

Never have I striven on too carefully.

Except for now.

I have arrived at a spot, where the road is too narrow for a u-turn; and all I see ahead is a curved and winding lane. I will take it, wherever it goes. I will walk, when the oil runs dry. I will run, arms held high, and heart open. I won't back down, or turn back. I said "yes." And yes, it is; and yes, it will ever be.

Enroute To 2011

I did not realize how fast time had gone by. Having just checked my online journal, I am staggered by the date of the last post! Ah well. Life catches up on us one day or another. It's been approximately a year plus, since the previous serious entry. (The one posted just now doesn't really count.)

In about two and a half more weeks, 2010 will be no more. I state that, not with much glee or lightness of spirit; it is thus said, with quite a sinking and troubled heart. 2011 is going to be so different. I'm not sure where to start, or what to start with. All I know is everything is beginning to change. Change has already begun; and it will keep on moving at the speed of light. Are we able to run alongside with it? Or will we be left behind? Speaking of which, if Jesus comes back tomorrow, will we be the remnant here on Earth?

Hmmm, that's a thought...

Anyhow, I wish whoever reads this journal of mine a Blessed Christmas, and a most Blessed New Year. May 2011 be a year that's not solely about "us," and our wants and small-hearted offences; but more about how we can each play an important role in the lives of others, especially the less fortunate ones. Not forgetting, to be all that Jesus has planned us to be.

'Til the next time.

Love,

 - M

Into The Swing . . .

Getting into the swing of online journaling is ... Tough. Having not chronicled in, what seems like ages, picking it up once more is akin to searching for a lost book in an old, creaking, and dusty attic. My thoughts run together; sorting them out, and trying to type as fast as my brain thinks, can be rather challenging! However, here I go, jotting down my Life, and publishing It in 'outer space.'

~

Seems when you believe life has taken some sort of a 'perfect stability,' something, or someone, happens to crash that notion. As a friend recently mentioned, if only we could go back to those days of sweet and innocent, childish days. Alas, nothing of that sort is ever going to happen ... And Life just simply goes, bringing along the crashers, and joys.

~

I wish I could write more, but I have so many things on my mind currently, this is all I can just about put in words. Maybe the following post will consist of more solid stuff, instead of fanciful and philosophical opinions. 'Til the next ...